Hamu Hamu Ninja
by Clubbed2Death
Summary: Naruto and the team are on the mission after the Daimyo's cat, AGAIN. However, a strange event has occurred and... Naruto turns into a hamster? Who is this strange Hamtaro fellow? And what does he know? Sort of a crackfic/humor.
1. Chapter 1

**Hamu Hamu Ninja Adventure!  
><strong>By: Clubbed2Death

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto nor Hamtaro/Hamutaro. I just use the characters for my own sick, twisted entertainment.

Everyone knows what a Shinobi is...right? Everyone knows what a hamster is...right? Also, everyone understands and has seen the shows Naruto and Hamtaro...right? Good. Now...

Let's make this simple...

A/N: I type Hamtaro's name the American way and not in the Japanese way like, Hamutaro. JSYK...

Enjoy 3

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><p><strong>Chapter One: Hamsters Masturbate<strong>

"WHY THE HELL DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS MISSION, AGAIN!" Naruto screamed at the top of his lungs.

Sakura groaned at the loudness in such early hours. She glared at Naruto while saying, or, more like screaming, "NARUTO! SHUT UP AND JUST DO IT!"

"But, but, Sakura-chaaan~..."

"Dobe, your annoying," Sasuke commented, his hands in the pockets of his white trousers and his head to the side as if he was a somebody. Psh, yeah right!

"Shut it, Sasuke! I just can't believe we have to save the Lord's wife's cat! Again! I hate cats!"

Naruto huffed and dropped to the ground, crossing his legs and arms while pouting. Iruka, who has been watching and sighing in his seat at the table across, stood up and slammed his hands on the said table. "Must we go through with explaining the ranks of shinobi again, Naruto!" He yelled. "You are only a genin! You should be lucky to be getting missions in the first place since you screwed up the last one!"

"That...," Naruto began, "...was an accident."

"HOW!" Sakura screamed. "You basically let the villains go!"

"B-but, Sakura-chaaaan~, they wanted a bathroom break..."

"AT THE SAME TIME!"

"...yes."

Iruka and Sakura sighed while Sasuke dropped his head. Kakashi, watching from behind, smiled widely.

"So," he began, "I guess we're taking the Capture Tora Mission?"

Iruka held out the mission sheet before them as their answer.

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><p><strong>:3 hamu-hamu-hamu-hamu-hamu loooove~ :3<strong>

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><p>Naruto continued to grumble under his breath as he walked aimlessly around the forest in search for the demoness cat.<p>

"Honestly, this should be ranked as a NO MISSION."

"You still complaining?" Kakashi asked, a weird glint in his eye.

"Uh, no!"

"Good. Now let's continue our search. Apparently there aren't any extra walkie talkies for us to use so we will have to do it old school. Sasuke, Sakura, go left and check the river. I'm sure the cat would be bold enough to think of crossing it. Naruto and I will take the right, further in the woods."

"Awww, why does Sasuke get to go with Sakura?" Naruto whined.

"Naruto..."

"OKAY, OKAY! I'll stop complaining. I'll just conclude that YOU are UNFAIR!" Naruto yelled pointing at Kakashi at the end of his sentence.

Kakashi only curved his eye. "...YEP!"

Naruto groaned, turning right so he could quickly find the cat and go home.

Sakura squealed and latched onto Sasuke's arm while Sasuke looked equally as pissed as Naruto about the fairness of their partners.

Naruto once again looked around his surroundings for any sign for life. So far, he only saw a rabbit. As Naruto continued he noticed a sign that read 'STOP'.

"Hey Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto called to his sensei not too far away. Kakashi walked over and noticed the sign too. He cocked his head to the sign until realizing or remembering what it was.

"We can't cross here," he stated. Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but why?" He asked.

Kakashi shrugged in response. "That way is the city. People in the city or town don't want any business with the villages of shinobi, especially since we probably caused more wars than them."

Naruto blinked up at him. "...oh...so they don't have any shinobi in their city?"

Kakashi nodded.

"Then how do they protect themselves?" Naruto practically yelled.

Kakashi put a finger on his chin. "Hmmm, I guess they have their own military system. Or maybe they don't need protecting."

"Ahh, sounds like fun! Let's go!"

Before Naruto could even take a step, Kakashi grabbed the back of his jacket and pulled him back. "Now, Naruto, weren't you listening?"

"BUT KAKASHI-SENSEIIIII!"

"If they catch you in their city and find out you came from Konoha or is a shinobi then they'll definitely cause a riot. Our village doesn't need that," Kakashi sighed. "Come on now, you have a mission to complete."

Naruto groaned but allowed Kakashi to walk with him still lifted in the air like a lioness carrying her cub by the scruff of the neck. Naruto looked back at the road and the sign longingly. He pouted and slanted his eyes, until a swift dark figure caught his eye.

"Kakashi-sensei, over there!" Naruto suddenly yelled, pointing at the direction passed the warning sign.

Automatically Sasuke and Sakura jump out running after it. They stopped when they noticed Kakashi and Naruto.

"Sensei,...*gasp*...we found Tora in a tree...near the river. She ran over here somewhere," Sakura explained in between pants. Sasuke, looking fine and determined, continued to walk around in case the stubborn cat was hiding nearby.

Kakashi cocked his head to the side. "I see," he said.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'I SEE' HELP US LOOK FOR HIM!" Sakura screamed, obviously agitated.

Kakashi released Naruto and allowed him to run after Sasuke, whom ran into the forest after the cat. Sakura realized she was left behind by her young male teammates and quickly ran after the two, especially for Sasuke. Kakashi watched, then smiled as he silently stalked away. Hehe, kids.

Sasuke looked from left to right for that damn cat, but he just won't show up! All of a sudden a low hissing was heard and he looked behind a bush to see Naruto slowly trying to get near it. Behind the cat was a brick wall too tall for it to pounce over and nowhere else to turn. Naruto's shadow clones covered the cat's right side and left side. Sasuke gritted his teeth in annoyance.

"Here, kitty kitty kitty," Naruto cooed, trying to coax it closer. He only received a raised claw and a dangerous hiss.

Naruto was about ready to tackle the cat like many times before until he realized something squirming under the feline. Whatever it was, it was wiggling and trying to break free from the cat's paw.

"What in the world is that?" He muttered to himself.

Sasuke came up to his side and was ready to capture the cat when Naruto suddenly stopped him.

"What the hell are you doing dobe?" Sasuke hissed.

"Wait! Look under it!" Naruto said. Sasuke scoffed at his ignorance but looked anyway. He noticed the squirming too and blinked.

"It's probably some rodent the cat caught," Sasuke explained, "now let's hurry and capture it. I want to go home and eat."

"But,"

Tora the cat hissed one last time before darting off in between the space of Naruto's legs. Naruto closed his legs, thus trapping the cat into a headlock.

"GOT IT!" Naruto shouted in glee.

"MEEE-OW!"

"H-hey...now, be a good kitty...," Naruto laughed, noticing the evil glint in the cat's eyes as it revealed it's claw.

Sasuke watched from the side as Tora scratched Naruto's legs, ripping his pants, even parts of his boxers, and flesh. Naruto screamed in agony, yelling stuff about how he hates cats and blah blah, Sasuke tuned him out. He turned back to the forest so he could inform Kakashi that Tora the Lord's wife's cat has been found and captured.

Naruto rubbed his legs, but stopped when the stinging pain only worsened. Holding the cat by the scruff he glared at it, only to receive a glare in return. It would have continued for another few minutes if it weren't for the small movement next to where he sat.

When Naruto looked down he screamed. Yes, it was very girly and he was very thankful that no one was around to hear that. There beside his foot were two big eyes staring up at him. They were blue and the thing's fur was orange.

'I have NEVER seen an orange rat before!' Naruto thought. He looked at the cat to see him eying the thing and licking it's mouth. The poor rat squeaked and hid behind Naruto's shoe. Naruto noticed the tiny tail poking at the side.

"Oh," Naruto gasped, "a hamster."

There was absolute silence.

"HOW CUTE!"

Thank GOD no one was around to hear that!

Naruto shifted onto his knees and stared down at the now exposed hamster. Said hamster looked back up.

"Awwww~! I wish I had a hamster," Naruto cooed, wanting to hold it. He reached out his hand and was about to touch the hamster's head, when all of a sudden a bright light came out of no where, surrounding Naruto and the hamster.

"What the hell!" Naruto yelled, looking around when he realized his eyesight was becoming more and more blinded by the second. A loud piercing scream was heard and...he passed out.

Tora the demon cat quickly ran away equally as terrified and confused about what just took place. Poor cat was so scared it ran straight into Sakura's arms and started to shake.

"W-what?" Sakura said when her arms all of a sudden was full of a scared feline.

Sasuke, Sakura, and now the just arrived Kakashi looked towards the cat's fearful gaze in the direction it came from.

"Naruto!"

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><p><strong>:3 Hamha! Hamu-hamu-puuuuuunch~ :3<strong>

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><p>Naruto groaned as he tried to open his eyes. Man, it felt like he was hit by a trolley and was smacked around by an angry muscular lady on steroids.<p>

When Naruto sat up, he yawned and started to wipe his eyes with the back of his...paw? Naruto's eyes stared at the paw that was present where his hand was supposed to be. He blinked, looking lower and lower until his baby blues met the rest of his body. Predictably, he passed out.

Naruto groaned the second time that day as he tried to come to. He heard a voice from the side, but ignored it as best as he could. However, that voice had an annoying tone to it and he couldn't tune it out. Naruto opened his eyes and looked to the right to see...

"AHHHHHH! OH MY FUCKING GOD! IT'S A GIANT HAMSTER THAT HAS COME TO EAT ME AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD! AHHH! Please don't eat me, I taste like crap. I only ate Ramen my whole life, Hamster's like veggies, don't they? PLEASE SPARE ME!"

Naruto would have passed out if it weren't for the said hamster to cower away from him. Naruto blinked as the hamster hid behind a bush. A large bush. He blinked again as he took in his surroundings. Big. Everything was big. Too big.

"OH NO! I SHRANK! AHHHHHH! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!"

Naruto started to run around screaming with his arms in the air. He stopped when he realized the giant hamster slowly heading towards him. Naruto's eyes bulged and he quickly went into a stance. A stance that made him look like he was taking a crap.

"DON'T COME ANY CLOSER MAN-EATING HAMSTER!" Naruto shouted.

The orange hamster cocked it's head to the side. "Man-eating hamster?" it asked.

"AHHHH! IT CAN TALK! AND IT KNOWS JAPANESE! AHHHHH!"

"What are you talking about?" the hamster asked, stepping closer and closer as Naruto scooted further and further back.

"GET AWAY!"

The hamster stopped trying to get close and instead held it's hands up in a manner that's supposed to mean, 'It's alright. Calm down.'

"Hamha! My name is Hamtaro," it said, or he said.

"Hamtaro? HAHAHAHA! WHAT A STUPID NAME! HAHAHAHA!" Naruto laughed while pointing.

Hamtaro glared at Naruto. "Oh yeah, and what's yours?"

"Me? I AM THE GREAT NARUTO UZUMAKI! THE SOON-TO-BE HOKAGE!"

"..."

"What?"

"And you made fun of my name," the hamster sighed.

"SHUT UP! Now answer me hamster, how are you able to talk? Hamster's can't talk!" Naruto screamed.

Hamtaro blinked at the other hamster. "What do you mean? Of course I can talk. You're talking too, but then...wait, don't tell me..."

Naruto narrowed his eyes at the suspicious...animal thing, and wondered why his eyes all of a sudden widened in shock.

"WERE YOU THAT HUMAN BEFORE!" Hamtaro yelled.

Naruto's face twisted into confusion. "Were? I AM a human!" He yelled.

Hamtaro just blinked in utter shock.

"B-b-b-but...y-you..."

"WHAT!" Naruto screamed.

"YOUR A HAMSTER JUST LIKE ME!" Hamtaro burst out, backing away from Naruto.

Naruto looked down at himself to see his fluffy form and tiny paws. It was silent for a while, until he screamed.

"I AM A HAMSTER! NOOOOOOO! I'M SMALL AND CUTE AND FURRY AND ADORABLE! OH MY GOD! HOLY SHIT!"

Hamtaro stared at Naruto as Naruto cussed away like there was no tomorrow. He sighed as he realized his predicament. Slowly he walked up to Naruto and stuck his paw out.

"Anyways, I never did get to thank you yet," Hamtaro said, "you saved me from that cat."

Naruto stopped his screaming and cussing to stare at Hamtaro. Saved him...?

"I was heading to the clubhouse nearby until all of a sudden that cat attacked me and ran away with me stuck in it's paw. I thought I was a goner."

Hamtaro smiled at Naruto, his paw still stuck out.

Naruto stared at it, and slowly put his paw in Hamtaro's, and shook it awkwardly.

"Your welcome?" Naruto said uneasily. Hamtaro smiled.

Suddenly they both heard a very loud scream in the direction above. Naruto and Hamtaro looked up to see Sakura screaming loudly with the cat in her arms in a death grip.

"EWWW! RATS! UGLY ORANGE RATS!"

"RATS?" Hamtaro yelled angrily. "I'll have you know that I'm a HAMSTER! A cute and adorable house hamster! We are more graceful than rats! Rats that rhyme with cats! Cats that like to wear hats! And hats that can hide bats! And bats that are like baseball bats! And bats that hit people in their fat! And fat people that sat on the mat! And Mat who isn't really all that! So that-"

"WE GET IT!" Naruto screamed.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI! GET RID OF IT!" Sakura screamed loudly, oblivious to the talking hamsters below her.

Kakashi sighed. "Come now Sakura, they aren't rats. These are just fluffy hamsters."

Hamtaro raised his paws in exasperated manner. "THANK YOU!"

"Hn." Sasuke commented, "They're gross"

"GROSS? YOU STUPID BASTARD!" Naruto yelled. "THEY'RE FREAKING CUTE!"

"How are they hamsters? They look just like rats!" Sakura screamed.

Kakashi sighed again. "Rats have longer tails and are larger than hamsters, Sakura."

"I don't care! Kill 'em!"

"YOU BITCH!"

Naruto stared wide eyed at Hamtaro, who was currently covering his mouth with his paws.

"Ehehehe...excuse my french. Bijou must be rubbing it off on me," Hamtaro laughed sheepishly.

"Who's Bijou?"

"Errr..."

"KAKASHI-SENSEI! KILL. IT. NOW!" Sakura screeched, scooting further and further away.

Kakashi was about to retort about animal violence and how it's inhumane to kill innocent animals when something caught his eye. It was bright, obnoxious, and orange. It was Naruto's pants, ripped along with his boxers, and Naruto's shoes and kunai pouch. Oddly the boy is going off with no pants on...or boxers...and without his weapons.

"Where's Naruto?" Sasuke asked, catching on to what his sensei noticed.

Sakura stopped her screaming and looked around for the idiotic member of their team.

Kakashi walked over to the pile of ripped clothes and slowly inspected it.

"Ew, does this mean Naruto is half naked?" Sakura asked, grossed out.

Naruto looked down and noticed that his hamster form has no pants. His jacket, his headband and his black shirt were minimized with him to fit his hamster form perfectly. Odd, very odd. He had no pants though. Naruto tried to look for his symbol of manliness and noticed it was very small and very well hidden in his fur.

"HAVE YOU NO DECENCY?" Hamtaro yelled, shooing Naruto's paws away from his male hamster-ness.

"Whuuut?" Naruto said with a pout as Hamtaro smacks Naruto's paw.

"DON'T DO THAT IN PUBLIC! That's why we have small cots and houses in cages! Jeez!"

Naruto blinked.

"Hamsters masturbate?"

Hamtaro began to flush a dark red. His mouth was wide open as his eyes widen as if Naruto said a very, very bad word. ...which he did.

"D-D-D-DON'T SAY THAT!"

Naruto let loose a sly grin. "Ohoho! So that word actually exists in the hamster language, huh?"

"LEAVE IT ALONE!" Hamtaro yelled angrily, still flushed with embarrassment. "WE LIKE THINGS PRIVATE!"

"So is this Bijou girl a girlfriend?" Naruto pried.

"N-NO!" Hamataro screamed, all the flush disappearing from his face. "She's just a friend!"

Naruto's eyes narrowed at Hamtaro. "Are you-...?" Naruto didn't finished. He watched as Hamtaro's angry face turned to confusion.

"Am I what?" Hamtaro asked.

"Er...are you-..."

"What the hell are they doing?" Sasuke asked, staring down at the hamsters that squeaked as if they seemed to be having a heated conversation.

Kakashi's eye curved up. He seemed to have realized how one hamster had a very bright and very orange jumpsuit. He could see it a mile away even though the clothes seemed too small.

"Don't tell me...that, that hamster is Naruto?" Sasuke shouted, as if he could read his sensei's mind so well! Jesus!

Sakura stared down at the hamster and gasped as she covered her mouth with her hands. Tora was dropped to the floor, and quickly ran away into the forest.

Hamtaro and Naruto continued to bicker when all of a sudden Naruto felt the back of his jacket being pulled and his feet lift off the ground.

"WHAT THE-...AHHHH! I'M BEING ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!"

Hamtaro was shouting loudly at Naruto with his fist shaking at him. Naruto couldn't hear. The voice faded as he was lifted higher and higher until someone's large nose and eye came into view.

"HOLY SHIT! THE ALIENS LOOK JUST LIKE KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Naruto screamed.

Kakashi looked carefully at the hamster squirming and squeaking away. He noticed the tiny jacket and headband on the hamster's forehead.

"Naruto...?" Kakashi said.

Naruto stopped yelling obscenities about the aliens taking over the world once a loud booming voice raped his ears. Like, literally, his ears were raped! That voice was too close for comfort.

Naruto lifted his paws and covered his ears and stared at his sensei before him. "Sensei...?" Naruto wondered.

Kakashi didn't hear an answer but he did notice the hamster pawing his ears.

"Naruto, is that you?" Kakashi asked.

Naruto blinked. Until he realized what his sensei just said. "KAKASHI-SENSEI! HELP ME! I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A HAMSTER!"

Kakashi watched as Naruto squeaked away. He wasn't sure what the hell Naruto was saying, but it seems that it is indeed Naruto he was holding.

"Alright, it seems we have a...small problem here," Kakashi said, eye twitching, "Let's abandon the mission for a while and see the Hokage about this."

Sasuke and Sakura nodded, their eyes wide as they watched Naruto. The team then walked off back to their village, leaving a confused Hamtaro behind watching after them.

He sighed, "I hope that Hamu is okay."

**To Be Continued...**

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><p>Yeah, if anyone likes this then I'll continue it. It's obviously not a serious story and I was pretty lazy on it, but if people like it I'll get more seriously into it, seriously bro~<p>

Anyhoo, R&R.

If you ever watched Hamtaro, then you would know that 'Hamha!' is Hamster for Hello. lol How da fuck do I remember that? I haven't watched Hamtaro since I was 12. xD I gotta relearn the language, cause if I continue it then I'll definitely be using it.


	2. Chapter 2  Hamster OOC Syndrome

**Hamu Hamu Ninja Adventure!  
><strong>By: Clubbed2Death

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto nor Hamtaro/Hamutaro. If I did, so many characters would die...

Thanks for the reviews, blah, Imma continue this for all the hamster and Narutard fans out there! Yeah! Inspiration, yo~ Also, I'm getting a little interested on where this story is going as well so, I'll be writing it better and might even make it a little serious. But it's still sort of like a crackfic... cause rape and serious don't work out in crackfics.

WARNING:** MEGA SUPER OOC ALERT! OOC ALERT!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2:<strong>

Sarutobi never thought he'd reach the day in his age where one of the rookie nine teams would come in and say they have failed to capture Tora, the demon cat. Not in all his life as he heard of the mission to catch a damn cat was thundered, sure, it may have took hours, but the teams would eventually find her somewhere in the forest. He knows she's stubborn and quick, but if a ninja can't catch her then that is no ninja. How hard is it to catch a damn cat anyway? You take some fish, some feathers, lay it out for her, and wait... make some cat noises, meow~

Then he listened to their story, and he watched as Kakashi explained about the missing boy he oddly is fond of, and raised his eyebrows as the man then held out the said tiny rodent in his hand in front of his face for him to see. Indeed like Kakashi said, Sarutobi noticed the cute orange outfit it was wearing and the similarity to that of Naruto's own outfit. What? It's a law. If it's miniature then it's cute.

He blinked back and forth between Kakashi and his two genins, Naruto apparently present in the palm of his Jounin's hands. ...Then he sighed.

"Look, I know I'm old, but I'm not fucking senile."

Kakashi used his other hand to face palm, knowing already how impossible his theory must sound. "I know it sounds ridiculous, but this is really Naruto, I swear! Just look at the way this hamster acts!"

Sarutobi and the rest proceeded to wait as 'Naruto' used his tiny paws to pat Kakashi on his thumb. Most of their eyebrows were twitching when 'Naruto' attempted to look at the ground but then get scared and fall back in the man's palm onto his back and struggled to get back up again.

"Oh my God, it's so cute."

Kakashi, Sasuke, and Sakura looked strangely at Sarutobi, who coughed into his hands and took out his smoke pipe.

"Well. It seems that if you're theory is true, then there must be a logical reason as to why he suddenly turned into a hamster," Sarutobi said. "Are you sure he's not just using the transformation justu to fuck with you all?"

Kakashi sweat dropped at the old man's lack of his usual somber and wise tone. 'Did he take his meds...?'

"YEAH! Naruto is probably just trying to trick us!" Sakura agreed, now looking at the hamster with a shake of her head and a hand over her heart as if in relief. "Damn it Naruto! I seriously thought you changed into a hamster for real. This joke was_ elaborate_."

Sasuke just blinked at her and sighed in annoyance. "So we failed a mission because of him again?"

Sakura nodded her head in agreement to her all time crush, but then her face slowly turned red in embarrassment. "U-Um, actually I dropped the cat... but it was Naruto's fault I did! I hate rats!"

Kakashi just sighed. "This isn't a rat..."

"But you know what?"

Everyone stopped to see Sakura peering at Naruto a little closer. Kakashi moved his hamster filled hand towards her and her face lit up in delight.

"Hamsters are... kind of cute. They're not fat and dirty like rats. ...maybe it's a good thing that Naruto changed into one. Hamsters can't talk after all."

Sasuke snorted, seeming to like the idea as well.

"Kakashi, can I hold him?" Sakura squealed when she watched Naruto look up at her with his big eyes.

Kakashi felt reluctant on giving up the tiny rodent. He's just so soft... and fluffy. "Um... no," he replied, shifting his eyes and thinking up a quick lie.

Sakura stared at her teacher and then put her fists on her hips in anger. "Why not?" She asked.

'Shit! Abort! Abort!' The man turned away from her and stared back at the Hokage. "So, why has Naruto not end his joke? He should stop this nonsense now... my hands have become really warm... it's so... upsetting... I'm... getting so ...annoyed..."

"Then give him to me!" Sakura demanded.

Kakashi cupped Naruto into his chest and screamed, "NEVER!"

Sarutobi sighed while Sasuke stared at his teammates in shame.

"I have no clue as to why Naruto has not returned to normal yet, so maybe we should just wait until the jutsu wears off... or some other explanation like that and stuff," the old man said, holding up his smoke pipe while he stares at the team with amused eyes.

The team leader nodded. "Sure... but Naruto is so small. He can't live by himself, obviously, so... I guess he'd be safe if he lived with me." 'I always wanted one of these.'

"That's not fair!" Sakura said aloud, "What if I want to keep him?"

"Screw you."

"Sensei!"

Sarutobi felt a vein throb and burst in his head at the two's childish antics. "Enough!"

Kakashi and Sakura made a pout with their lips, although unnoticed on Kakashi's thankfully for him, and turned back to their village leader.

"Sasuke takes him," Sarutobi concluded.

The two's eyes widened. "Awwwww~," they said in unison, clear disappointment oozing out of their faces as they glared at the lonely boy. Sasuke on the other hand quickly made way for the door.

"Not so fast!" Kakashi yelled, and quickly grabbed the boy's collar. He pulled him back like a caught fish in a cat's paw and held him between Sakura and himself.

"Why do I have to take the idiot?" Sasuke asked, his eyebrows twitching on his supposed remote expression. Sarutobi just laughed at the boy.

Kakashi held out Naruto to the Uchiha, and Sasuke looked down at the now furry and supposedly adorable Naruto.

"Take care of Fluffy...," Kakashi said, a tear drop falling down his clothed cheek.

The preteen sighed and rolled his eyes. He held open his hands and Kakashi pushed Naruto onto Sasuke's paler ones. Sasuke's hand instantly enveloped the warmness that the hamster produced. His eyes widened, and he felt his heart ...grow two sizes that day. (*gets shot*).

'...so...so soft...' The boy thought.

"And now problem solved!" Sarutobi cheered. "Let's celebrate with vodka!"

The three just stared.

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><p><strong>3 HAMU HAMU! Ninja kyaa~ 3<strong>

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><p>Sasuke sat in his house and looked down at the cute hamster in the small container. He sighed and looked over at the shoe box he had to fish out from his closet.<p>

It took forever for him to find a box that size, make a few small holes in the side and then apply the hamster necessities he received from Kakashi, who ran to the pet store and returned with food and a pet water bottle. The boy continued to shred up some paper and spread it over the bottom of the box. He sighed again as he pushed the bottle's tip end in the hole and had to use tape to make sure the small bottle did not fall off. He wouldn't want Naruto to die from dehydration or anything like that after all... or... does he...?

Sasuke shook his head. Kakashi would kill him.

He dug his hand into the bag of sunflower seeds and made a small pile on top of the shredded paper. There! Naruto's temporary home is now complete. Sasuke felt proud of building a home for the dobe. The a-hole should now be grateful for all his hard work, sweat and tears.

The Uchiha got up and stretched his legs, he turned around to the small container and opened the box top to transport the idiot into his new home. When he looked inside, he felt his eye's widen and twitch. There were many small drops of poop... but no idiot. Then his vein popped on his forehead.

"Naruto!" Sasuke shouted, quickly looking around the floor to see if the hamster was running around.

"Naruto, damn it!" Sasuke screamed, standing up and running around his couches in hopes of finding him. He looked under and over but stopped when he realized he shouldn't move so much or he might step on him. And no one wants messy hamster blood on their shoes after a hard day of work now do they?

"I'm going to kill him!"

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><p>Naruto ran as fast as he could.<p>

"OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH... SHIT!"

He was angry how the old man betrayed him.

"Me? Living with SASUKE? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

What has he done to deserve this unholy punishment?

"I don't want to live with Sasuke! Why couldn't Sakura take me, WHY?" He cried, "but more importantly- HOW THE HECK AM I STILL A HAMSTER?"

The hamster sighed as he hid behind the table leg, and looked as Sasuke ran off to the hallways calling after him. "Hehe, idiot!" Naruto snickered, slowly coming out of his hiding spot to better think in the dining room light. He positioned his tiny paws together and thought real hard. He can feel his chakra moving within him, and tried to release the jutsu that he did not remember doing, like how Sarutobi had said.

"I wish this was a prank," Naruto sighed, "but it really isn't a jutsu. I'm not turning back!"

The hamster plopped onto his cute butt and sighed with his whiskers twitching. So adorable!

Sasuke eventually ran back to his traditional Japanese style living room and ran inside the open sliding doors to the western dining room. (Cause his house is pimp like that. Uchiha Clan goes, "Oh hell naw, diversity, biiiitch~")

The boy sighed as he looked all around the floor and finally noticed the orange coat and yellow fur. "Ah-ha! Dobe!" He yelled out, immediately going after the hamster.

Naruto squeaked, "Oh shit!" He began running as fast as his tiny little paws can away from the angry Uchiha chasing him. But a giant foot came in front of his path.

"Nooooooo~" Naruto cried, then his body was grabbed onto callous hands.

Sasuke almost cackled, but left that in his mind as he held the hamster within his tight grasp. "You idiot! Do you know how easily you can be squashed if not protected?"

Naruto rolled his eyes.

"You should be thanking me."

"I will bite your face off!" Naruto yelled.

Sasuke watched as the little hamster squeaked and tried wiggling out of his hand. He sighed and walked to the little hamster home he made. He set Naruto down inside and the hamster continued to look up at him with a glare. Sasuke almost snickered. Then he watched as Naruto cautiously walked around inside his new little house. He sniffed at the paper shredding and steadily raised a sunflower seed with his little paws. He dropped it, or actually tossed it aside with a, "bleh" and continued to his water bottle to see what it does. The Uchiha laughed when Naruto looked right up at him with the usual stare he recognizes. It translates, "I hate you."

"You deserve it. This is probably karma."

He heard Naruto squeak at him.

"What? What was that? I don't speak hamster."

Naruto squeaked louder in anger, amusing the young boy.

'Having a hamster... is actually kind of fun. ...I wanna torture him!" Sasuke's evil mind searched back to all his small toys he used to play with as a child. He did not have many, because his father believed more in training than fun, but he remembers the small toy trucks his brother passed down to him when he was four. ...the thought of Itachi as an innocent boy playing with toys disturbed the young Uchiha greatly and he quickly blocked it out of his mind in fear of a mental break down... just in case.

"I have to find that truck," he concluded, and got up to leave in search above in his attic.

Naruto watched Sasuke leave, declaring his ambitions. He felt scared.

"I'm going to be like a barbie to her dream car!" He cried. "Sasuke get back here! Sasuke!"

The little hamster sighed and sat down in the paper. He looked at his new home in distaste. "Jeez Sasuke, this place is boring as hell."

He just sat and continued to die on the inside. What he really needs to do is figure out a way to get to that hamster.

"I just know he had something to do with me changing, but he's probably gone now!" Naruto growled in frustration at the thought of trying to find such a small animal in a huge world. "Being a hamster sucks!"

"Being a hamster must be so cool!"

Naruto widened his eyes and turned to the person behind him.

"Kakashi-sensei!"

Kakashi reached into the house and lifted Naruto out. He petted Naruto on the head and tried to contain his inner happiness. "God damn it, Fluffy! You're so soft!"

Naruto crossed his arms as Kakashi continued to defile his humanity.

"Come on Naruto, I brought you a wheel to run on. I forgot to get it at the pet shop earlier."

Kakashi placed a red wheel into the house and put Naruto back inside to enjoy it. Naruto just stared at his teacher and slowly shook his head.

"What is up with me turning into a hamster and making everyone weird about it?"

"Fluff- I mean, Naruto! Use the wheel! You need to keep up with your training after all," and with that Kakashi laughed at his own joke.

Naruto wanted to bite his face off.

"If he even has a face under that mask! If so, I bet it's ugly! Burn~! Oh damn, no one is around to hear that."

The hamster twitched as Kakashi kept reaching into his home and taking up space. It scared him whenever the giant hand would knock something over.

"Ahhh! Godzilla!" Naruto squealed off to the corner and dodged the wandering hand.

"Sensei, stop!" Naruto yelled. "You're like a kid who kills all his small pets! It's freaking me out!"

Kakashi can not hear the hamster as he tried grabbing a hold of Naruto. "Damn it, Fluffy... hold still, or I might accidentally hurt you."

Naruto dodged again and leaped onto the wheel. He began running as fast as he can, and Kakashi stopped his tyranny to watch with amusement as Naruto ran like hell.

"So... so... SO CUTE!"

And thus the teacher was glad no one was around to hear that.

Naruto panted as he ran and ran. He wanted to stop but realized how his legs continued on. It was difficult, considering how fast he was running. "Something... bad... is going... to happen!" He panted harshly. "But... I'm gettin'... tired, Ah!"

The hamster stopped running due to exhaustion, but screamed as the wheel continued to roll ...and with Naruto still inside.

He held on to the bars and screamed while he went up and down as if on a Ferris wheel roller coaster.

"HELP ME!" He cried, "I'M GOING TO THROW UP!"

Kakashi held on to his sides as he laughed. "THIS IS TOO MUCH!" He yelled. The man laughed harder when he saw Naruto fly off the wheel and onto the paper shreds.

Naruto felt dizzy and attempted to stand on his feet. In confusion he tried walking it off, but fell over on the soft paper shreds in defeat. "Never... doing... that... again...," he mumbled in misery.

Kakashi continued to enjoy himself when all of a sudden he felt another presence.

"Sensei... what are you doing here?" Sasuke asked, a toy truck tucked under his arm.

The man looked at the Uchiha standing in the doorway, and smiled with the curve of his eye as he replied, "Playing with Flu- Naruto."

Sasuke walked over and saw Naruto squeaking and walking as if drunk and on crack.

"Sensei! What did you do? You have to be more careful, small rodents are fragile."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at the boy and looked directly at Sasuke's truck.

"... What? I wasn't planning on doing anything cruel."

"Hypocrite. You know just as well as I do that hamsters are fun to mess with."

"..."

"DO I NOT HAVE A SAY IN THIS?" Naruto screamed. "UGH! Being a hamster sucks!"

Sasuke brought a hand to his face and placed the truck down on the floor. "Well, whatever, get out now."

"What? Hey now, Fluffy belongs to me as well."

"Oh, so we're sharing? The Hokage said specifically that I-"

"He only said that _you _were to house him, not that Fluffy belongs to you."

"He said that Naruto is mine!"

"Did not!"

Suddenly a head full of pink came into the two's view, surprising them when a loud voice broke them up, "GUYS! GUYS! ...We are to share Naruto... NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

Kakashi and Sasuke stared as Sakura pushed her way through to Naruto's little home.

"How the hell is everyone getting into my house so easily?" Sasuke demanded.

"Well, I'm a Jounin."

"I just stalk you too much."

Sasuke sighed and face palmed once more.

Sakura, having already trespassed onto Uchiha property countless times with Ino (Isn't that excuse so convenient?), easily made her way to Sasuke's house in an attempt to play with Naruto. She made it her mission to see Naruto no matter what, because...

"I never got to hold him," she complained, slowly reaching into the cage.

Naruto jumped with joy. "Sakura, save me! These guys are crazy!"

The hamster crawled to her hand and Sakura squealed in excitement when Naruto settled into her palm.

"So... so soft," she mumbled as she raised him to eye level.

"Careful!" Kakashi said. "You're a newbie to the enjoyment of hamsters."

"Am not!" Sakura defended.

"You just said hamsters were ugly earlier today," Sasuke said.

"Y-yeah, but... you said they were gross," Sakura remarked with an embarrassed blush at her crush's comment.

"EVERYONE HAS GONE MAD!" Naruto screamed once more.

Sakura giggled as she used a finger to softly pet Naruto's head. "He looks so cute with his little head band. It makes me want to kill something! Ahh~"

"Seriously, hamsters are dangerous," Kakashi agreed.

Sasuke looked longingly at his toy truck, wishing his teammates would leave so he could finally test out his idea.

"It's getting late. Naruto needs his sleep," Sasuke said, urging Sakura to put him back in his house.

"SHUT UP Sasuke! What are you, my Mom? I'm enjoying my time with Sakura!" Naruto yelled, who previously was rubbing back against Sakura's finger. 'I might never get this opportunity again, yay!'

"Ohh, but he likes me!" Sakura said, then raising the hamster to her cheek and rubbing along his fur. Naruto felt an arrow struck his heart and he fell over in shock.

"Sakura! You're killing him!" Sasuke yelled, reaching out to grab Naruto.

"HEY! I'm not done!" Sakura surprisingly yelled back.

"Kids, calm down. Let Sakura hold Naruto for five more minutes then we'll leave," Kakashi said, finally regaining his maturity for probably a few more seconds.

Sasuke huffed as he let Sakura cuddle with the hamster more, feeling irritated that she was getting more time with the pet than he was, despite the fact that he gets to keep him in his house. The young boy crossed his arms and looked away. He is NOT pouting, repeat, NOT POUTING.

Naruto never felt any happier, until five minutes ran out and he was placed in the little home once more. Kakashi said it was time to go and Sakura and him reluctantly made their way to the door. Sasuke let them out eagerly, his face not able to contain the excitement as he shut the door in a loud slam. Slowly he cracked his neck, staring at the hamster with the corner of his dark, glinting eyes.

"Oh no...," Naruto whispered, feeling himself grow scared.

"Finally...," Sasuke growled, his voice deeper than normal, almost demonic. "Naruto... we're all alone, he he he~"

Sasuke leaned down and picked the hamster up in a semi-hard grasp. Naruto struggled with all his might to break free but was helpless in his size. He stared from within Sasuke's palm at the Uchiha boy and to the toy truck, and literally wet himself when he saw Sasuke's playful death glare; The glare of a horrible child that tortures small animals...

But thankfully he got distracted.

"UGH! What the hell Naruto?" Sasuke yelled, dropping the hamster back into his home as he looked at the warm dripping liquid running down his hand and smelling suspiciously of piss.

"I'm going to kill you!"

* * *

><p><strong>To Be Continued. O-o<strong>

This chapter seemed forced, but whatever. It's not a crackfic unless there's misspelling and OOC, am I right now? Hurr hurr hurr~ And of course, everyone has been hypnotized by Naruto's spell! The spell... of cute hamster syndrome! Kyaaa~ You know you had it before DON'T LIE! R&R MASTURBATORS. Please and thank you.


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